I
descended from the ladder on a tree house I built for myself early in the
morning. It was situated in the tallest oak tree in the heart of this unspoiled
rain forest of the south. The time was
not of the essence as I wasn't aware of how the electronic device that humans
called clock measured the passing of every second, of every minute, of every
hour.Since in the realm where I existed, time drifted like the wind brushed
from the tree. It didn't matter that much or in fact it didn't matter at all. I
could drift through time in a heartbeat like centuries happened yesterday. Millennia
were nothing to me. I could go back and forth whenever I wanted, as long as I
wanted. Yet I've chosen to remain here in this paradise of solid entity. I was
enthralled with the idea of staying in just one dimension and my decision to
stay here in this beautiful untamed woodland was the first from my entire
existence. This was my present. Here in this forest where I dwelt was the
perfect representation of the world.
I
knew it was early. I couldn't hear the humming of the birds;some of the animals
were still in their lair sleeping. My feet finally
touched the ground; which was covered with dried leaves that fell every summer.This
tropical country didn't have the Withering season. So the leaves fell on the
summer when the heat of the Sun caused all the trees to thrust all its coating.
I couldn't even feel the earth beneath as it was fully coated with dried leaves
all over the ground like a matted floor.
The
forest was misty; the scent of the pine trees nearby was the nature’s
perfume. It was dim down here; the ray
of the Sun couldn't fully penetrate the layers and layers of trees that covered
the earth. I could hear the soft whistle
of the wind as it moaned from the rocks and on to the trees. I couldn't see the neighboring hills and the
mountains from a far because the thickness of the forest blocked it from my
sight. Even the summit of the sleeping volcano was nowhere to be found. Using
my senses, I knew that the majority of villagers of Sugarland were still
asleep, save by the few elders who were early risers.
Waking
up early in the morning is an inevitable task, even if I forced myself to go
back to sleep, it’s useless. Unlike humans, my body was in sync to worship the
breaking of the dawn. This task was beyond my capacity to make my own choice
but this was more of a privilege for my kind.
I
had to acknowledge the coming of the light whether I like it or not. My entire
system was built to worship the morning light as part of a daily ritual for us
immortals. Regardless of what history of the world we dwelt or even what
universe we chose to navigate, as long as there was the rising of the glorious
light, our bodies knew what to do and that was to concede its effulgence for it
signifies the heavenly fire. It’s the only way for us to be reunited with the En Sof, our father even for just awhile.
This torturing glimpse of home, it was the only way for us to know that we
still matter to him and that he never forgotten us despite of what we did eons
of years ago.
Yes,
I was one of the fallen Angels that was castaway at the very gate of Heaven. I was
one of those who were thrown to the pit. It was a terrible mistake I did and I
regretted it. Many of us Fallen still defies the calling of the En Sof, they were those who refused to
acknowledge the morning light. They were those who created the realm down on
the pit that was beyond reckoning, the one that they called Hell. But I was not
one of them. I refused to be manipulated by the superior Angel who convinced us
to defy our Father. For many years I worshiped the morning light patiently, no
matter how homesick I was. I put all my faith that one day; I would be given a
chance to redeem myself for defying Him; that someday he would hear my prayers
of repentance that I pleaded to the gate of Heaven every single day. My
yearning, my longing for that day to come that I would be grant again to climb
the stairs of the Kingdom was the source that kept me going all through these
years.
I
was standing on the ground barefooted but I didn't feel the cold. I was wearing
my normal white gown made of thin soft and flowy fabric, surrounded by bulk of
humongous trees that made me felt like I was in the midst of the giants. It was
silence that engulfed the air that I could hear the soft whispers of the breeze
and even the swaying of the leaves, the water from the stream made a fresh
sparkly sound. Then there was the silence again. The nature’s voice faded away
and was replaced by the throngs of cherubic voices singing in choir, these
voices of pure melodic rhythm consumed my body and all I could do was to locate
those calling to start the ritual. My mind was devoured by the music that my
reason and wit were no longer mine to control. But my body, it had a mind on
its own. My mind went blank and all I could think of was the heavenly symphony
– the gonging of the archangels, the lyre of the seraphim and those cherubic
voices. All my senses had been heightened as my body searched the unearthly
music. I was led on a clearing on the foot of the hill outside the varnish of
the thick and misty forest.
The
heavenly ritual had started and the gate was opened for all of us. I need to be
on the top of that hill. Beyond the trance I could feel the intensity of the
rhythm of my body’s activity. I was running in a gliding stride and my feet as
it mounted barely touched the ground. I felt my body lifting in the air as I
strode my way to the top like a gazelle running from a lion’s preying eyes. I
felt my weight gradually disintegrating; I felt my body became weightless, that
gravity was no longer pulling me to the ground. I felt so light like cotton
blown by the wind. The air was cold and fresh I could almost taste it, but the
more the wind hassled, the more my heart accelerated with excitement.
I
reached the top of the hill, on the cliff I stood seeing the surrounding of
stampede green pasture. The sky was clear in a sapphire blue, the rays of the
Sun was a brilliant bath as it poured on my skin. My slender body was absorbing
the light like a sponge to water. The wind howls in my direction. I could feel
my hair flying to the air and so was my silky dress. I couldn’t contain the
euphoria any more; my head looked up to the sky while my eyes closed. I let the
cherubic singing consumed me; I let it penetrated every pores of my body. I
slowly spread my arms like the redeemer. As I did, my wings burst out behind my
back slicing the thin fabric of my white dress. It rose behind my shoulder
blade higher and radiating as if reflecting the light from the Sun. From a far I might looked like a falcon
preparing for its flight but in human’s eyes I was just a blinking light on the
top of the hill, they couldn't figure what I was even if they squinted their
eyes to focus.
My
wings were phosphorescent, the very essence of my existence that defined the
ethereal being within me. I felt like a morning star shining. The enormity of
my wings stretched its full length; it was huge and finely attached from my
back and its ligaments down to my spine. It made me feel so small when it rises
behind me but then it was unbelievably light, as light as the feather that I couldn't even feel its weight.
It
spread fuller like it was breathing from the gosling air and the light from the
Sun. Yet even through its weightlessness, it had an immense power beyond
comprehension. My wings were my source of power; it defied the gravity of the
world when it sliced the atmosphere of the outer space. My wings were my only
accessed to heaven. I was not of this world because I was beyond the creation
of it. I existed long before the En Sof
perceived the wielding of it. I was created long before everything else, before
the universe found its meaning.
The
wind blew stronger on the hill but I was numbed by its rage, I felt airborne.
Then in an instant, when all the weight of the world was leaving me, when the pull of gravity no longer
attached to my body, when all I could think was the glorious bath of light
shining higher on the east. As I breathe, my wings beat as my heart beating in
the same rhythm, and for that one instant, in one stroke of my enormous wings,
I flew. Soaring higher like it was the only thing that matter. As I left the
world behind crossing to the ethereal realm of the father, I could see the
heavenly gate from a far. Every beat of my wings was a beat of desperation. I
saw my fellow fallen emerging from all walks of time, getting closer to the
boundary. I felt their pain, all the heartaches and grief of being away, all of
us pleading and praying. You could tell it to the stars as it witnessed all the
tears that fell from our eyes. But we couldn’t go beyond the boundary that was
set for us outcasts. We could only see a glimpse of the kingdom’s gate behind
the heavenly ring that divided us. This was as close as we got to happiness and
this torment was bouncing from all the galaxies that bare witness.
Someday,
we’ll find our way home. All of us damned; all of us who suffered – Just like
the promise of the glorious light. There’s always hope.
Story By:
Ronnan Tristan
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